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ducky

[ website | volatilechaos loves you!!! ]
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i would start from the beginning, but i don't feel like it. [Aug. 24th, 2009|05:04 pm]
ducky
i miss you.

i miss the way you feel.

i miss the way you taste.

i miss your scent.

i miss your hugs and kisses.

i miss the way we fit together so perfectly.

i miss the way you make me laugh until i can't breathe.

i miss falling in love with you everyday.

i miss knowing i had a partner in crime.

i miss making you dinner.

i miss showering together.

i miss how rubbing me with lotion always turned you on.

i miss getting tattooed together.

i miss waking up next to you.

i miss your morning texts.

i miss listening to you make music.

i miss that look in your eyes.

i miss your napping on the couch.

i miss seeing you be cute with the kittens.

i miss breakfast in bed.

i miss everything. EVERYTHING about you.

i feel like.... nothing.

i can barely function without you.
linkQuack at me

so much to say [Mar. 26th, 2009|10:23 pm]
ducky
[Current Location |couch, with eduardo]
[mood |thankfulthankful]
[music |radiohead, kid a album.]

for once, i have a lot to talk about.
i got two goldfish about a 2 months ago. they are sharkbait and gorbichov. they were doing really well until last week, when sharkbait got the ick. i thought i cleared it up with salt and medicine, but unfortunatly after his second dose he gave up. his tailfin had been eaten off by the ick, overnight. which.. made swimming hard for him, after the medicine, he seemed to be happy, even with his lack of tail. i made sure he was eating, i got a food ring that keeps it in one spot in the tank. i even hand fed him. i did the best i could to help him get better, but he died late morning on wednesday. i cried. like a baby. hes the first pet ive had that i personally took care of that died. i didnt handle his ick very well, and i didnt handle his death well either. however, im planting a memorial garden in his name. i was going to plant a garden in the backyard anyway, but, its now going to be the Sharkbait memorial garden. lol

i am also on day 4 of a raw vegan diet. i dont plan on being a raw vegan forever, but i do want to switch to veganism. i, am not doing it for the animals or the enviroment, because, i do what i can now, and i could do more, but im not going to throw paint on people in fur or anything, i dont care that much. as a matter of fact, i hate peta. so there. i am doing it for the weight loss, and for the overall healthiness of it. i eat a bunch of junk already, and i cant seem to stop, so im cutting it out completely. i love food, and the challenge of finding new ways to prepare food and new foods entirely really interests me. i was originally planning on just doing the raw vegan for 5 days as a detox, but i think im going to extend it a few more days, since i have not lost as much weight as i hoped. boy, and two friends have been doing this as well, and the weight is dropping off of them. i dont think im drinking enough water, and i need to add more cardio exercise. ive been trying to move as much as possible at work, and i did pilates last night, and a new yoga thing tonight, im going to continue to do the yoga since i feel stretched and awake. however, im going to find a cardio routine tomorrow to add, since its obvious im not going to get on the elliptical. *shrugs*
i did just get a bike though, and im psyched about it, it just needs new tires before it can be ridden, and since i got paid, i can finally do that! i am really looking forward to the vegan diet though. there are so many foods that are so much better vegan. tonight i made a avocado chocolate mousse. OMG. so effin good. i had a few spoons of it on banana. ... and all of it that i kept licking off my fingers and spatula while i covered the kitchen in chocolatey goodness... lol. it is so amazing.

speaking of getting paid. i got hired today! im really really excited about it. even if its going to take 3 months before i start. but it gives me more time to lose weight before i start buying a new business wardrobe. ... im so psyched. i just 3 months or so until i can quit my current job!!! woot!

next week is my birthday, and before i started the vegan thing, i invited everyone out to Pub Dog in columbia. on march 31st, the day before my bday. if you wanna come, your invited! im gonna make an exception to the vegan rules for that day. i think they have vegan friendly food though. im not sure. but that would be awesome. the only thing about eating vegan, and especially raw vegan is it takes very little alcohol to knock you off your ass. we found that out before we started for real. when it wasnt an official plan. lol. but i havent drank since then, and its not gonna take much to destroy me.. at least if im out i wont pound back drinks... *shrug* im turning 24. and i feel like i have a lot to celebrate.

well. i think there is something else, but i cant remember it now. so. im done.

OH YEAH!! boy and i got our matching tattoos! they are sweeeet. they need to get touched up, but either way they are awesome. they are puzzle pieces on our wrists. my left his right. his is muscle tissue showing, and mine is the underside of the flesh. so we fit together. lol.

ok. i gotta pee. im done!
linkQuack at me

3 [Nov. 20th, 2008|09:39 am]
ducky
[Current Location |couch]
[mood |hungryhungry]
[music |on demand babble]

had trouble sleeping last night. went to bed around midnight, was really sleepy, had a little trouble falling asleep for as tired as i felt, and then woke up and tossed and turned for a while at some point, i dont know what time it was though because i cant see that far. lol
woke up when boy got up for work, and felt awake, but wasnt ready to get out of bed, so i rolled around and slept til my alarm went off at 9. *shrug* didnt have a problem getting up. which.. is exciting.
alot less pain the last two days too. which is really exciting. since that was a huge problem in getting out of bed.

so, work yesterday, was a lot more tolerable than usual, it was boring as hell, but thats not unusual. i was having a hard time staying awake, since i was stuck in the fitting room, but as long as i bounced around or walked around i was fine.

didnt have any nausea yesterday, probably due to taking pepto with my dose. so woot. i did have a funny feeling in my tummy though, like, that i would be nauseous if pepto wasnt so awesome. i didnt take the pepto this morning, cause its messing up my poo schedule.

also my feet and legs didnt hurt when i left work. which. awesome. because they always do.

im sooo sleeeeeepppyy...

i found a project i really want to make, i saw it on hgtv this morning. sunburst mirror

i think its neat. i really need to stop watching hgtv, cause i want to repaint and move everything!! but i dont have the money for any of that stuff. lol. well. paint. but i dont know what colors i want to do. and i dont have the furniture that is going in here yet. *sigh*


im hungry.. veggie burger time!
linkQuack at me

day 1 and 2 [Nov. 19th, 2008|09:44 am]
ducky
[Current Location |people eating couch]
[mood |busybusy]
[music |hgtv]

so. i went to the doctor a month ago, to see if i have asthma. and the answer to that, is .. not really. but i have an inhaler if i need it. he wanted me to do bloodwork, to see if i had a thyroid problem and to check my cholesterol and stuff. so i did that and went back yesterday.
i got an a++ on my blood actually. my blood pressure is great, my cholesterol is great, my blood count is good, and my thyroid is functioning just fine.
well fuck. why am i so tired then?
turns out i have depression symptoms. (joy)
sooo. im on a 5 week trial of cymbalta. im not really thrilled about being on an antidepressant, buuuuttt. if it is gonna help me out, then il try it.
i looked up the website, im not thrilled about the possible side effects, and theres a whole bunch they dont put on the website, but they put in the packaging. fun. also looked up what side effects other people have reported. but it seems the really fun ones arent until you try to stop taking the medication. sooo. we'll see how that goes.

yesterday was day 1.
took it. tried to play mother 3... passed the hell out, i dunno if that was because of the med or, if thats just what i do, cause, well, it is. woke up with the worst stomach ache/ nausea. wooooo. got up moved around and went back to the doc office to pick up a letter. and by the time i got home i was like.. im gonna yak!! but. i took pepto and layed down and it went away, and then i was just really hungry. and after dinner was finding it really hard to sit still. and was getting on boy's nerves. lol. went to bed kinda early. and woke up early. WOOT.

day 2
took with crackers and pumpkin butter, so in case i yak its not too terrible. took with pepto too, so hopefully i can bypass the whole nausea part. since i have to go to work.

so. the doctor said its gonna take about 3 weeks to notice a difference. so.. yeah.

and now. i must get ready for work..


oooh! its wednesday! i get paid tomorrow! and were gonna get stuff to make sushi for dinner on friday!! yess!! i <3 sushi! weeeehoooooooooo!

and next week is redesign week! furniture is being moved and removed, and there may be some paint going up! and just some little stuff. nothing too expensive or anything. carpet is getting pulled! i think im gonna pledge the floors and have a non roller sock skating derby. lol
linkQuack at me

P [Sep. 17th, 2008|10:59 am]
ducky
is it fucked up that I put on house of 1000 corpses or devils rejects when I know I'm gonna fall asleep and I want something to sleep to..?
link2 Quacks|Quack at me

P [Jul. 10th, 2008|10:49 am]
ducky
testing.
link4 Quacks|Quack at me

i need a vacation [Jun. 24th, 2008|02:33 pm]
ducky
[Current Location |moms]
[mood |weirdweird]
[music |the mountain goats - orange ball of love]

i. need. a vacation. and i just had one for my birthday... geeze. hopefully the stress dreams will stop soon. cause. im losing my mind.

im excited. im going to get fitted for my bridesmaid dress tonight. and there might be sushi in my future. and i got a new outfit, and i feel adorable. and. im gonna see wade and dyell tonight!





other than that,
im tired of having nightmares.
linkQuack at me

life is good [Jun. 20th, 2008|09:34 am]
ducky
[Current Location |relocating to boy's couch]
[mood |amusedbuzzed]
[music |the ice harvest]

everything is so good right now its not even funny. im so excited about everything right now.

i have the best boy, EVER.
i have rum in my orange juice and its 9:30am.
lulu asked me to be a bridesmaid!!
there's a john cusack movies in my jammies two day marathon that i'm in the middle of.
and if you can keep a secret, there's something else really good, that i'm excited about. i can't post it yet.


i like how boy and i are so completely retarded for each other. we're getting matching tattoos, which, as excited as i am about it, makes me wanna throw up a little. we definitely have had the "im never getting married/married again" conversation, more than once, and yet it keeps coming up, and its gonna happen actually. in 2013 if the world doesn't end in 2012. and elvis will be there, and there will be tiki statues. and it will be glorious. if nothing else it will be a big beach party. lol. and, were moving to delaware. hah. we can't do ANYTHING right now, so these are the last things we should be talking about, but i already picked a house. lol. this is all a long ways off, and there is a bit of a joke to it all, there are definitely no solid plans, its a lot of talk between the two of us. but. i have a feeling, its how its all going to work out, and i can wait til 2013 or 2020 or whenever... i guess he lets me feed into my little girl when i grow up and this is gonna happen fantasies. i dunno, its all fun right now. and i feel psychotic, for even talking about any of it. actually. but. really. if we wake up tomorrow and are like.. hey fuck you, leave, then i'll still be fine with it, because this has been the best time ever.
i dunno, the weird thing, is both of us are pretty anti-romance, and anti-lovey-dovey-bullshit. and yet. that's all that comes out of either of us. its sick.

sick i tell you.
link2 Quacks|Quack at me

homewrecker [May. 23rd, 2008|08:18 am]
ducky
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |nine inch nails]

boy called me a homewrecker last night.. it was actually because i knocked the shower curtain hooks off of the rod.. but. i almost fell over laughing.
linkQuack at me

probably going to destroy the other. [May. 22nd, 2008|12:35 pm]
ducky
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]

everything is beyond good. its pretty sick actually. if i was on the outside looking in, i would be screaming for me to shut the hell up by now.
apparently we are both fucked up though. were watching fight club last night, and the scene where tyler kisses the narrator's hand and pours lye on it.. yeah. totally decided that needed to happen to each other.
it didn't last night, we didn't have lye. but tried ice and salt, and that seemed to work out... so now were trying to figure out how to get the other's kiss to burn in. ...
might just get puzzle piece tattoos. i dunno, i think id rather have the kiss seared into my skin. he should be getting his lyric tattoo soon though, its going on his ribs. and its for me. both been broke as hell though.. so thats kinda an issue. im excited. hes excited. i already have my tattoos for him. god, he was still wearing his ring when i did that. and i would do it again in a heartbeat.

the only thing, is i cannot, CANNOT wait to not have to hide anymore. to not have my heart leap out of my chest any time someone comes to the door. to not have nightmares when i stay over. to not look over my shoulder. its stressful, and it sucks. and i know its worse for him.. i mean. its obviously not stopping either one of us from really doing anything. but. it would be nice to not have to drive to Delaware to hold hands without constantly looking to see who is watching. its not like we learn either, cause totally redlight kissed each other, and his brother was totally in the car behind us. how does that happen?! and none of us were anywhere near home. ha.


its good. ive never been happier actually.
its just fucked up enough, on its own, that i dont have to fuck it up myself. because i never seem to have smooth sailing very long. guess we'll see what happens in a few months wont we?
linkQuack at me

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