| windows live writer |
[24 Nov 2009|10:30pm] |
|
i just noticed this application on my laptop. so i’m checking it out.. i got a phone call today, and i thought i had a job and then i got an email saying i didn’t. womp womp. i still have an interview with someone else tomorrow though. hopefully i can wow them with my awesomeness.. i probably wont hear anything until monday though, regardless, since it’s a holiday week. thanksgiving today at danielles. vegan om nom noms that i stuffed myself with. ugh. it was worth it. tomorrow night i’m going to the movies with boy to see boondock saints 2. so i’m pretty excited about that too. my tummy is so full.
|
|
| ugh |
[20 Nov 2009|11:07pm] |
i'm so frustrated. i feel like i'm waiting for you to fall in love with me again.
is that what i'm doing?
|
|
| to do - remember |
[15 Sep 2009|12:32pm] |
- gas
- laundry
- unpack
- phone bill
- car insurance
- car payment
- grocery shop
- corridor w/ wade & danielle - wed
- housewarming party - fri
- money for howl at the moon - sat
- money for suspendDC - sun
- money for kmdm - wed
- make travel arrangements for elesia for kmfdm
- pack up from moms house
- work pants
- button up shirts
- shelves
- liners
- move tv out - sell?
|
|
|
[24 Aug 2009|10:33pm] |
With lofty feelings, she is full of tenderness, sentimentality. Things do not always go her way. A meeting with a person who is either not free, too young or from a different family or social background means that living together will be done in the utmost secrecy while waiting for the chance to legalize the situation quietly, without any trouble. This state of affairs will make her melancholy. A lovely little family will result from this union.
oh what the hell. the stars said it was so. and we did have a lovely little family. so what happened?!!! where does it say, he will up and change his fucking mind?
|
|
| i would start from the beginning, but i don't feel like it. |
[24 Aug 2009|05:04pm] |
i miss you.
i miss the way you feel.
i miss the way you taste.
i miss your scent.
i miss your hugs and kisses.
i miss the way we fit together so perfectly.
i miss the way you make me laugh until i can't breathe.
i miss falling in love with you everyday.
i miss knowing i had a partner in crime.
i miss making you dinner.
i miss showering together.
i miss how rubbing me with lotion always turned you on.
i miss getting tattooed together.
i miss waking up next to you.
i miss your morning texts.
i miss listening to you make music.
i miss that look in your eyes.
i miss your napping on the couch.
i miss seeing you be cute with the kittens.
i miss breakfast in bed.
i miss everything. EVERYTHING about you.
i feel like.... nothing.
i can barely function without you.
|
|
| so much to say |
[26 Mar 2009|10:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thankful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
radiohead, kid a album. |
] |
for once, i have a lot to talk about.
i got two goldfish about a 2 months ago. they are sharkbait and gorbichov. they were doing really well until last week, when sharkbait got the ick. i thought i cleared it up with salt and medicine, but unfortunatly after his second dose he gave up. his tailfin had been eaten off by the ick, overnight. which.. made swimming hard for him, after the medicine, he seemed to be happy, even with his lack of tail. i made sure he was eating, i got a food ring that keeps it in one spot in the tank. i even hand fed him. i did the best i could to help him get better, but he died late morning on wednesday. i cried. like a baby. hes the first pet ive had that i personally took care of that died. i didnt handle his ick very well, and i didnt handle his death well either. however, im planting a memorial garden in his name. i was going to plant a garden in the backyard anyway, but, its now going to be the Sharkbait memorial garden. lol
i am also on day 4 of a raw vegan diet. i dont plan on being a raw vegan forever, but i do want to switch to veganism. i, am not doing it for the animals or the enviroment, because, i do what i can now, and i could do more, but im not going to throw paint on people in fur or anything, i dont care that much. as a matter of fact, i hate peta. so there. i am doing it for the weight loss, and for the overall healthiness of it. i eat a bunch of junk already, and i cant seem to stop, so im cutting it out completely. i love food, and the challenge of finding new ways to prepare food and new foods entirely really interests me. i was originally planning on just doing the raw vegan for 5 days as a detox, but i think im going to extend it a few more days, since i have not lost as much weight as i hoped. boy, and two friends have been doing this as well, and the weight is dropping off of them. i dont think im drinking enough water, and i need to add more cardio exercise. ive been trying to move as much as possible at work, and i did pilates last night, and a new yoga thing tonight, im going to continue to do the yoga since i feel stretched and awake. however, im going to find a cardio routine tomorrow to add, since its obvious im not going to get on the elliptical. *shrugs*
i did just get a bike though, and im psyched about it, it just needs new tires before it can be ridden, and since i got paid, i can finally do that! i am really looking forward to the vegan diet though. there are so many foods that are so much better vegan. tonight i made a avocado chocolate mousse. OMG. so effin good. i had a few spoons of it on banana. ... and all of it that i kept licking off my fingers and spatula while i covered the kitchen in chocolatey goodness... lol. it is so amazing.
speaking of getting paid. i got hired today! im really really excited about it. even if its going to take 3 months before i start. but it gives me more time to lose weight before i start buying a new business wardrobe. ... im so psyched. i just 3 months or so until i can quit my current job!!! woot!
next week is my birthday, and before i started the vegan thing, i invited everyone out to Pub Dog in columbia. on march 31st, the day before my bday. if you wanna come, your invited! im gonna make an exception to the vegan rules for that day. i think they have vegan friendly food though. im not sure. but that would be awesome. the only thing about eating vegan, and especially raw vegan is it takes very little alcohol to knock you off your ass. we found that out before we started for real. when it wasnt an official plan. lol. but i havent drank since then, and its not gonna take much to destroy me.. at least if im out i wont pound back drinks... *shrug* im turning 24. and i feel like i have a lot to celebrate.
well. i think there is something else, but i cant remember it now. so. im done.
OH YEAH!! boy and i got our matching tattoos! they are sweeeet. they need to get touched up, but either way they are awesome. they are puzzle pieces on our wrists. my left his right. his is muscle tissue showing, and mine is the underside of the flesh. so we fit together. lol.
ok. i gotta pee. im done!
|
|
| 3 |
[20 Nov 2008|09:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
on demand babble |
] |
had trouble sleeping last night. went to bed around midnight, was really sleepy, had a little trouble falling asleep for as tired as i felt, and then woke up and tossed and turned for a while at some point, i dont know what time it was though because i cant see that far. lol
woke up when boy got up for work, and felt awake, but wasnt ready to get out of bed, so i rolled around and slept til my alarm went off at 9. *shrug* didnt have a problem getting up. which.. is exciting.
alot less pain the last two days too. which is really exciting. since that was a huge problem in getting out of bed.
so, work yesterday, was a lot more tolerable than usual, it was boring as hell, but thats not unusual. i was having a hard time staying awake, since i was stuck in the fitting room, but as long as i bounced around or walked around i was fine.
didnt have any nausea yesterday, probably due to taking pepto with my dose. so woot. i did have a funny feeling in my tummy though, like, that i would be nauseous if pepto wasnt so awesome. i didnt take the pepto this morning, cause its messing up my poo schedule.
also my feet and legs didnt hurt when i left work. which. awesome. because they always do.
im sooo sleeeeeepppyy...
i found a project i really want to make, i saw it on hgtv this morning. sunburst mirror
i think its neat. i really need to stop watching hgtv, cause i want to repaint and move everything!! but i dont have the money for any of that stuff. lol. well. paint. but i dont know what colors i want to do. and i dont have the furniture that is going in here yet. *sigh*
im hungry.. veggie burger time!
|
|
| day 1 and 2 |
[19 Nov 2008|09:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hgtv |
] |
so. i went to the doctor a month ago, to see if i have asthma. and the answer to that, is .. not really. but i have an inhaler if i need it. he wanted me to do bloodwork, to see if i had a thyroid problem and to check my cholesterol and stuff. so i did that and went back yesterday.
i got an a++ on my blood actually. my blood pressure is great, my cholesterol is great, my blood count is good, and my thyroid is functioning just fine.
well fuck. why am i so tired then?
turns out i have depression symptoms. (joy)
sooo. im on a 5 week trial of cymbalta. im not really thrilled about being on an antidepressant, buuuuttt. if it is gonna help me out, then il try it.
i looked up the website, im not thrilled about the possible side effects, and theres a whole bunch they dont put on the website, but they put in the packaging. fun. also looked up what side effects other people have reported. but it seems the really fun ones arent until you try to stop taking the medication. sooo. we'll see how that goes.
yesterday was day 1.
took it. tried to play mother 3... passed the hell out, i dunno if that was because of the med or, if thats just what i do, cause, well, it is. woke up with the worst stomach ache/ nausea. wooooo. got up moved around and went back to the doc office to pick up a letter. and by the time i got home i was like.. im gonna yak!! but. i took pepto and layed down and it went away, and then i was just really hungry. and after dinner was finding it really hard to sit still. and was getting on boy's nerves. lol. went to bed kinda early. and woke up early. WOOT.
day 2
took with crackers and pumpkin butter, so in case i yak its not too terrible. took with pepto too, so hopefully i can bypass the whole nausea part. since i have to go to work.
so. the doctor said its gonna take about 3 weeks to notice a difference. so.. yeah.
and now. i must get ready for work..
oooh! its wednesday! i get paid tomorrow! and were gonna get stuff to make sushi for dinner on friday!! yess!! i <3 sushi! weeeehoooooooooo!
and next week is redesign week! furniture is being moved and removed, and there may be some paint going up! and just some little stuff. nothing too expensive or anything. carpet is getting pulled! i think im gonna pledge the floors and have a non roller sock skating derby. lol
|
|
| P |
[17 Sep 2008|10:59am] |
|
is it fucked up that I put on house of 1000 corpses or devils rejects when I know I'm gonna fall asleep and I want something to sleep to..?
|
|
| P |
[10 Jul 2008|10:49am] |
|
testing.
|
|
| i need a vacation |
[24 Jun 2008|02:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the mountain goats - orange ball of love |
] |
i. need. a vacation. and i just had one for my birthday... geeze. hopefully the stress dreams will stop soon. cause. im losing my mind.
im excited. im going to get fitted for my bridesmaid dress tonight. and there might be sushi in my future. and i got a new outfit, and i feel adorable. and. im gonna see wade and dyell tonight!
other than that,
im tired of having nightmares.
|
|
| life is good |
[20 Jun 2008|09:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 buzzed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the ice harvest |
] |
everything is so good right now its not even funny. im so excited about everything right now.
i have the best boy, EVER.
i have rum in my orange juice and its 9:30am.
lulu asked me to be a bridesmaid!!
there's a john cusack movies in my jammies two day marathon that i'm in the middle of.
and if you can keep a secret, there's something else really good, that i'm excited about. i can't post it yet.
i like how boy and i are so completely retarded for each other. we're getting matching tattoos, which, as excited as i am about it, makes me wanna throw up a little. we definitely have had the "im never getting married/married again" conversation, more than once, and yet it keeps coming up, and its gonna happen actually. in 2013 if the world doesn't end in 2012. and elvis will be there, and there will be tiki statues. and it will be glorious. if nothing else it will be a big beach party. lol. and, were moving to delaware. hah. we can't do ANYTHING right now, so these are the last things we should be talking about, but i already picked a house. lol. this is all a long ways off, and there is a bit of a joke to it all, there are definitely no solid plans, its a lot of talk between the two of us. but. i have a feeling, its how its all going to work out, and i can wait til 2013 or 2020 or whenever... i guess he lets me feed into my little girl when i grow up and this is gonna happen fantasies. i dunno, its all fun right now. and i feel psychotic, for even talking about any of it. actually. but. really. if we wake up tomorrow and are like.. hey fuck you, leave, then i'll still be fine with it, because this has been the best time ever.
i dunno, the weird thing, is both of us are pretty anti-romance, and anti-lovey-dovey-bullshit. and yet. that's all that comes out of either of us. its sick.
sick i tell you.
|
|
| homewrecker |
[23 May 2008|08:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nine inch nails |
] |
boy called me a homewrecker last night.. it was actually because i knocked the shower curtain hooks off of the rod.. but. i almost fell over laughing.
|
|
| probably going to destroy the other. |
[22 May 2008|12:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
everything is beyond good. its pretty sick actually. if i was on the outside looking in, i would be screaming for me to shut the hell up by now.
apparently we are both fucked up though. were watching fight club last night, and the scene where tyler kisses the narrator's hand and pours lye on it.. yeah. totally decided that needed to happen to each other.
it didn't last night, we didn't have lye. but tried ice and salt, and that seemed to work out... so now were trying to figure out how to get the other's kiss to burn in. ...
might just get puzzle piece tattoos. i dunno, i think id rather have the kiss seared into my skin. he should be getting his lyric tattoo soon though, its going on his ribs. and its for me. both been broke as hell though.. so thats kinda an issue. im excited. hes excited. i already have my tattoos for him. god, he was still wearing his ring when i did that. and i would do it again in a heartbeat.
the only thing, is i cannot, CANNOT wait to not have to hide anymore. to not have my heart leap out of my chest any time someone comes to the door. to not have nightmares when i stay over. to not look over my shoulder. its stressful, and it sucks. and i know its worse for him.. i mean. its obviously not stopping either one of us from really doing anything. but. it would be nice to not have to drive to Delaware to hold hands without constantly looking to see who is watching. its not like we learn either, cause totally redlight kissed each other, and his brother was totally in the car behind us. how does that happen?! and none of us were anywhere near home. ha.
its good. ive never been happier actually.
its just fucked up enough, on its own, that i dont have to fuck it up myself. because i never seem to have smooth sailing very long. guess we'll see what happens in a few months wont we?
|
|
| holy diver |
[14 Apr 2008|01:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 smitten |
] |
so. about a month ago, i ran into someone that i went to high school with. when i was in school, i saw him everyday, and it totally made my day to see him. every morning, we would stand and hug and hold each other until we had to go to class. everyday. and the same after school. whether it was a few minutes or an hour, it was the same, and it was awesome. it was calm and comforting, and the rest of world dissapeared for those moments.
the funny thing about it is, neither of us knew the other felt that way. we hung out all the time, mostly just at school, before and after class. he would walk home with me sometimes. we would hang out at my house, watch movies. take naps. always innocent actually. never knowing that the other one just wished and wished and wished that the other would make a move.
there is a day that i will never forgot, it was raining, and we decided to to jump in all of the puddles. there were other people, but i dont remember who was there. they didnt matter anyway. so we jumped in the puddles, laughing and hugging and just having a really good time, and the rain was pouring down, and we didnt care. eventually we walked back to my house, and i had forgotten my keys that morning, so i was locked out, soaked from the rain, so we walked to his house, so i could wait for someone to get home. we walked back to his house, jumping in every puddle again. we walked back to his house, and he gave me dry pants to change into, i remember changing and just hoping that he would get the hint and just tackle me. didnt happen. we're dumb.
we kissed twice. once at school, i ran and jumped up onto his hips and planted a kiss onto his lips. im sure i had been plotting all day, on how i could do that without it being too obvious. i mean. i wanted to. but i was convinced that he wasnt interested in me. completely convinced. and the other time we kissed, was after we got married actually. we found a website where you could get married, it wasnt real, but it was cute. and we did. and we kissed, because, well, thats what you do after you get married. hehe. and we thought it was the cutest thing ever, and we thought that it was awesome. little did we know, we meant it. ha.
so, i graduate high school, we see each other less and less. everytime we run into each other, it is totally day making. your heart skips a beat, and stomach jumps a little when you reconize who it is. and its totally amazing. stand around and catch up, totally forgetting there are other people around. which was never a problem, until he got a girlfriend. so then if i ran into them together, it was kinda awkward. i was like always happy for him, i mean, why wouldnt i want him to be happy? but i was always kinda bummed too i guess. and then when i ran into them again, and the were engaged, i was.. crushed actually. i didnt really think anything of it then. i was probably engaged myself actually. and then the next time we saw each other, he was married. and thats about when any thoughts of anything ever happening, died.
so a few years go by, we dont see each other very often. and then about a month ago, he walked into my store, and i was psyched to see him. we hugged, and it clicked. this is where i am supposed to be. we caught up a little. just rambling really. and made sure we had each other's phone numbers so we could keep in touch this time. about 10 minutes after he left, he texted me, told me that he didnt realize how much he missed hugging me, or how much he missed me. and i felt the same. we talked non stop for a few days, and then made plans to hang out at his house. the night before, i couldnt sleep, that morning, i shot out of bed hours earlier than usual. it was more exciting than christmas morning.
i got to his house, walked into the door, directly into his arms. and i swear, the world stopped, everything made sense, but at the same time, nothing made any sense anymore. we sat on the couch, just snuggled into each others arms. hearts racing, thoughts racing. skin on fire. faces red. more calm than ive ever been before, and my entire being about to explode at the same time. just sitting. trying to figure it out. not even knowing what there was to figure out. his wife came home, we didnt know how to act anymore. trying not to be obvious. actually, nothing had happened. but we were so.. on another planet, that it was hard. i dunno. it was strange. trying to smile and be nice, and laugh and hang out with the wife of the person that i had fallen for. fallen harder than ever before. ever. just sitting, watching a movie. the air so thick, i thought i was going to suffocate.
it didnt take her any time to figure it out. about 3 days later, she asked. however, she jumped to the conclusion that we slept together. which wasn't the case. but it all went downhill from there anyway.
we talked everyday. all day. over the next couple weeks, the events that happened were not what i expected thats for sure. lets just say that she doesnt live in the house anymore. and he talking to a lawer, right around. .. now. i am not why this happened. just a catalyst to what was going to happen anyway.
i am happier than i have ever been. ever. he is an extension of myself. i said once that if i could take all of the best parts of my exboyfriends and put them into one person, it would be amazing. and that is who he is. we finish each others sentences, we dont even have to talk most of the time. we love the same movies, we love the same music. the same video games. the same things make us happy, and the same things piss us off. i feel like i can be ME around him, no sugarcoating anything. im not afraid to show every last part of myself. no need to lie, or hold back. its amazing. we dont want kids, and think marriage is dumb. lol. and want to get out of this place. it doesnt matter where. when he is around my face starts to hurt from smiling. we fit. into each other's lives. mentally. we are on the same page with about everything. and physically. its weird. just perfectly into each other's arms.
i dont feel bad about what happened. someone else had to be hurt. really hurt. life isnt always rainbows and butterflies, it happens. and i expect the same thing to happen right back to me someday. and none of this is over. not yet, and not for a long time. we can't even BE yet. but when it happens. its going to be good. its going to be really good. and if, it goes wrong. it goes wrong. fuckit. at least we will know.
in all honesty. i know what i want. he knows what he wants. we're getting what we want. bottom line, that is all that matters, and i really don't care what either of us has to do to get it.
|
|
| survey! |
[05 Mar 2008|08:36pm] |
1. If your being extremely quiet whats it mean?
that i dont feel like talking.
2. If someone hit you, what would you do?
hit them back.
3. Do you still have feelings for your ex?
god. kinda.
4. Have you ever had a one night stand?
yes.
6. Last time you laughed?
about 10 minutes ago.
7. Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
yes.
8. Are you wearing any clothes that dont belong to you?
currently no, but i have two things that were given to me.
9. Would you ever date your best friend (of the opposite sex)?
been there.
10. Have you ever received sexy pics from someone?
yes. im usually sending them tho. lol
11. Do you regret anything from your past?
not really.
12. If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
eeeeeh. probably not.
13. How do you react when people cry around you?
it makes me sad, cause i dont know what to do.
14. Do you bump into someones arm if you want to hold their hand?
no, i grab their hand.
15. Last argument?
hrm.. dunno. nothing important.
16. Last Kiss?
jason? and even that was a month ago.
17. Would you kiss them again?
probably.
18. Are you jealous of this person?
of jason? no.
19. Would you ever strip for money?
if your willing to pay, then yes.
20. Do you have a crush?
not really.
21. Do you know how to belly dance?
no.
22. Are you in college?
nope.
23. What are you listening to?
halo 3.
24. Last Beverage?
beer.
25. Last nap?
monday.
26. Do you own a planner?
yes. do i use it? no.
27. Favorite month?
april, october.
28. Would your parents be mad if you got someone pregnant/if you were?
dissapointed, but id abort the mission.
30. Would they be mad if you were bi?
bi? no.
31. What are you doing Saturday?
working.
32. One person who did/does the nicest things for you?
no one really.
33. Friend most like you?
sean.
34. Kiss on the first date?
i have.
35. Are you a slut/man whore?
i thought i was, but danielle says im not, and that means, im not. ohyeah.
36. Fav color?
pink. black. blue lately.
37. Are you racist?
i hate everyone.
38. Excited for anything?
my birthday, kinda.
39. Ever had sex with two different people in ONE day?
yes. at seperate times, and at the same time. woo!
40. Last time you were confused?
its what i do most.
41. If you could cuddle with anyone right now who would you pick?
foobert.
wtf happened to 42-44?????
45. Have you ever done something behind your best friends back and never told them but know that they know?
i dont think so.
46. Will you ever?
probably. sorry.
47. Rent a movie or go to movies?
either.
48. Been to mexico?
nope.
49. Own a gun?
id like the gun that shot jack ruby.
50. Happy with life?
well, i not really unhappy with it either.
|
|
|
[20 Feb 2008|02:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nada surf - stalemate |
] |
im thinking i dont like you. and im thinking the reason why, is because your a lot like me. you need more attention though.
the difference between us is that i dont need to be the center of attention. maybe sometimes, but not like you do.
seriously though... shut up.
|
|
| tattoo |
[14 Feb 2008|10:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
alkaline trio - sun dials |
] |
hooray!
i got an alkaline trio heart tattoo yesterday, and im really happy about it, it turned out great!
i psyched myself out all day, cause i knew it was going to hurt, so i whined alot, sorry.
uuumm. really uneventful valentines day this year, even work was extra boring.
*shrug* didn't really expect any different.
|
|
| boys are stupid anyway. |
[09 Feb 2008|02:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
alkaline trio - sorry about that |
] |
im excited that i keep seeing boys and thinking they are cute.
i havent looked at someone and found them attractive in 2 years.
yes!
|
|
| woohoo |
[09 Feb 2008|02:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 buzzed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
alkaline trio - clavicle |
] |
hooray! i went out with jenny and nate and their friends, to celebrate his birthday! i had fun.
im really glad that i went out. i really miss jenny.
wade proposed to danielle. thats cute. i really hope its not because he thinks it will fix everything though. i mean, its not like things are wrong, but from the outside, they dont seem like forever... i dunno.
im happy for them, if thats what they want.
myself however, that is not what i want. im having fun.
i think i want to break someones heart though. ..... just once. it would be new.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
volatilechaos's journal